My Journey....

I blindly showed up to a Vinyasa Yoga class in 2014.  Little did I know I was entering into a practice rooted in self study.  Every time I showed up for class, I'd learn something new about myself.   I discovered many things about how I was showing up for myself or not, how loud the voice of my inner critic was, and how in denial I was about the emotional discomfort I was holding onto. With regular practice, I started to see that I had been using food to numb the emotional discomfort throughout my life, even before 2008 (picture on the left).  This awareness was a valuable discovery.  

With more time in my practice, I realized that there was still emotional discomfort in my life that I was avoiding.  I turned to 'medicinal' marijuana to NUMB (middle picture).  I began to realize that just like food, I was overusing something to escape, avoid, and numb.  On August 5, 2020 I attended my first meeting.  The literature states ~ "There is only one requirement for membership, a desire to stop using."  I wanted to stop numbing and start living.

Self study is a life long journey.  It doesn't happen overnight, yet when we are ready to do the work.  Self Study is one of the Niyamas in the 8 Limbs of Yoga known as Svadhyaya.  The Niyamas are observances that focus on self-discipline and spiritual growth.    Through the work, we are encouraged to embrace an inner gaze with vulnerability and humility.  It also encourages us to look with loving eyes as we detach from shame and guilt in what we discover.   

When we work the 12 Steps, we are rediscovering who we are and what triggers led to our addiction.  It is Svadhyaya, just in a different form, as both emphasize rigorous introspection, honesty, and spiritual growth.  We often hear 'more will be revealed' during our journey in recovery.  The journey continues as long as we are willing to keep actively looking inward.

Self study can be intimidating for many, but if we are looking to change any type of habit we need to find the courage to look!